ok, i wrote the 'i suck' part, but if you look closely you can see 'registration failure' on the screen (i think you may have to click on the picture to enlarge it).

:(

well despite not being able to go out today, everything was good.

i'm getting more and more used to living in a new place. and while coming back from buying my schlechtiges Handy i got a sudden feeling of empowerment.  i had to remind myself that i'm not just living anywhere. i'm living in one of the hubs of europe, i'm young so i can explore it all, and it's only going to last so long.  which is very bittersweet. because its inevitable that i'm going to miss home and all of its comforts and familiarity.  but part of the excitement that comes from living abroad is all about being separated from these things.  it kind of forces someone to find what their real character is, separated from everything they've been surrounded by their whole life. 

well, don't get me wrong, i don't feel like i'm quite there. i just feel much more independent and confident in both my personality and ability to get do things for myself. momma and poppa for once aren't really holding my hand through life.

haha, way more difficult, but definitely worth it. don't think i still don't need you guys though!

and here you have to get to know people on a different level. it's strange because you have trouble communicating with your friends.  so it's taking a lot longer to get to know people but i feel like a lot of the bs of first meetings has been cut out. because a lot of friendships begin with tons of nothingness.  chitter chatter i guess. because we can say only so much we're having to make it count.  

however, i do say i'm a bit dissapointed by some of the other american students. for the most part they are very very friendly and have been kind to me. although, they seem to be only wanting to hang out with other americans and talk tirelessly about how happy they are to be hanging out with americans.  

i thought we came to germany for an international experience. 

i mean, i miss speaking in english as much. but not really.

i came to germany to learn german, not english. and i don't miss english as much as i miss being able to express myself correctly, which hopefully time and study will help me do just that.

in all actuality, i shouldn't be criticizing my other students.  their experience is different than mine, and while i have different feelings about what i want from this, it doesn't make their concerns any less valid. i understand and definitely empathise with how they're feeling homesick, and would want to get back some of that familiarity.  

different note, and another interesting park experience.  on the way to the S-bahn i cross through a 5 meter long park. its VERY out in the open and people have to cross through it to get to the crosswalk and S-bahn station.  well, today a dude, about 50 years old, was just peeing there right in the open. i saw pee, and privates.  Whatever happened to germans being reserved??? i took the long way to the crosswalk bc i did not want in on that. and i ran into him and he just gave the the same half smile everyone gives eachother on the street. EW.

anyhow, i have to fill out all this bureaucratic b.s. for the police station and what not.  SO annoying because i have to have my landlord sign some form, and they close always before i'm back from school.  furthermore, the Rathaus that i have to go to closes nearly always before i'm back from school. and i have to get this thing done after 7 days of arrival in my residence. so i moved into my apartment on monday, and still havent done it. i've filled everything out but haven't gotten my landlord to sign it or brought it to the Rathaus.  I can get it to the Rathaus on time because Mondays it stays open until 1500 (3pm) and i think if i rush i can make it. however, my landlords office closes at 11 on mondays. what kind of office closes that early...ever???? Seems like everywhere here has the most bogus hours.  So i have some form from my landlord stating my residency, hopefully that works on monday

but if there aren't any posts for a few days after monday, i'm probably in jail... 

and i'm not sure if i expressed my anxiety about not taking advantage of my time here and savoring every single moment. but i have that, BUT, i'm going on a tour tomorrow, of Potsdam i think. and on monday i'm going on another tour to somewhere else.  Both tours talk about stasi stuff, so that should be very interesting.  i just hope that i get my phone figured out soon so i can call my pals.  while the people in my dorm are nice the only people whose schedules are something like mine are these two brazilian girls who only talk to eachother in portuguese.

while they're also very friendly and loved how i liked os mutantes they're always deep in conversation in a language i can't even begin to understand.

i still feel like i need to be thinking every moment, ~wow, germany is wonderful, this experience is wonderful, this is the most amazing city in the world~. and while i am being constantly impressed, i still feel like i need to see more, do more and experience more.  i mean i haven't found interesting small clubs (or any clubs), or anything like such. and i haven't yet learned the history of things.

i actually feel like i spend most of my time at school, grocery shopping or in my room. i don't want to get stuck in a routine. my whole life at home is a routine, and while i love it. i get so much done, it's familiar and easy, i don't want that here. because it's limiting.  at home i feel like i only have certain time for certain things, and i don't want to feel that way here. 

 additionally, do i really need 8 hours of sleep a night. i just want to make sure i'm living as much as possible, and i'm not sure if i'm doing that just yet.

...and as saying this i'm sitting in my dorm room. but it actually just started thundering and raining outside....perhaps there will be kids in the hall?

so mums and pops, what did you guys do before cell phones were invented? 

i hope this mild anxiety fades after i see the city more. and start more excursions with friends.

i think it will, and i will definitely let you know all about it.

i will also take pictures of these people i talk about, mainly laura (prounounced with a very strong italien accent), marce', and linda.  

laura is a gorgeous florenzian(spelling?) girl, 22 i think? she likes led zeppelin and is a political science major. 

marce' plays the oboe. her parents are bringing to her next thursday and we plan on playing a few duets. she is from barcelona and a math major.  shes soo kind and radiates loyalty.

linda is a finnish economics major. she eats reindeer and is a crackup. she also has really neat hair.

there are also many more students in my class, all of who we hang out with and chat with but these are the girls i was planning on going out with.

i'll be going on the tour tomorrow with other Vokurs students and Marce' from my class. i'll make sure to write alll about it, and probably post pictures too :)